The student news site of Mother of Divine Grace in Ojai, California
Photo+Credit%3A+Maria+Sharafinski

Photo Credit: Maria Sharafinski

Identity Crisis: Take Off the Mask

Do you ever feel like you fluctuate between multiple personalities?

 

One of my friends recently helped me to realize that often, I change the way I act depending on the people around me.

I guess you could say I’m having a bit of an identity crisis as I reflect upon all the different masks I wear.

In a quiet group, I sometimes fill the space with empty chatter out of some feeling of obligation.

Next to a self-assured person, I retreat into myself and find myself laughing at things I don’t find funny and making small talk, but not contributing substantially to the conversation.

Even in a group of close friends, I become louder than I usually am out of some want for attention or even some imaginary standard that I have to meet to keep people interested in me.

With people I’m very comfortable with, I go too far. I argue my point, and I take the sass to the next level…is it because I feel as though I need to keep proving myself to people who already love me?

Looking at these different personalities is alarming. But seeing how this crisis affects my conversations and holds me back from voicing my thoughts and evangelizing is equally disquieting.

I can be surrounded by people who are talking and laughing and feel an emptiness in the conversation because we are not really talking about anything serious or profound. In my mind, I think, “Please can we just go deeper about something? Anything, I don’t care. Donald Trump, evangelization, the Spanish Inquisition. Something! Can we stop talking about that dumb joke or what this or that person did for just a bit?”

But I don’t always have the courage to interject and start a new conversation about something real, because if I do, they might not care about what I have to say.

I think many people do this. We let the conversation go on without diving into topics that really matter to us.

We keep it shallow and safe.

If we go deep and we get kind of messy in the real conversations, talking about our convictions and our beliefs, we might mess up and look stupid. So we avoid it, even though we long for it.

Sometimes we keep it shallow with certain people because we don’t think that they “get” us. So what is the point of even trying? Other times we keep it shallow because they might get us.. We are afraid that they will see our hearts and our minds and not appreciate them.

The indisputable origin of all of these tendencies is fear. Blatant fear. And fear is not from God. Fear of being who we are cannot come from the Holy Spirit.

Today, I’m throwing away the extra personalities. I’m challenging myself to go deep when I feel the need, but also to remain quiet when I’m talking only out of some “need” to prove myself. I’m challenging myself to let people see who I am, because I am enough. My sufficiency does not come from my own merit or the acceptance of my peers, but from a loving Father who has made me the way that I am for a purpose. For His glory.

“Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God.
Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our sufficiency is from God…” 2 Corinthians 3: 4-5.

Please comment here and let’s start a conversation. I want to hear from you.

 

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